Anxiety

I notice that the last time I posted was in July, end of July to be fair, but it is still more than 4 months ago. Time has flown past in these four months, because initially I was planning on tidying the place enough that it would be puppy-proof; and then I had my parents visiting.

My parents and my puppy, all turned out to be the most considerate and non-judgemental kind of people to share my life with, and for whom I didn't really need to prepare the place. But I suffered from a lot of anxiety, none the less. I still do. I am not really an anxious kind of a person but when day after day, living your life feels like walking thru treacle, it causes anxiety.

I struggle when changing the sheets isn't just a matter of stripping off the old sheets and putting on the new ones! It is a tie between a memory test, creative thinking as well as visualisation; as much of digging under the piles of bags of things without a home as it is about finding the right pocket with all the bits put together... When tidying the balcony isn't just a matter of watering the plants and a quick sweep and mop; but a matter of removing temporary tiles - wondering if I want to sell them or if I am happy to just give them away - removing temporary tarp that has finally given up on doing a reasonable job of dealing with a puppy. a typically good natured puppy who has had bouts of vomiting and diarrhoea. and balcony is one of the easier bits! the carpet in the living room is chewed to bits but I had given up on the carpet ages ago anyway! I suspect it smells of dog piss occasionally but since my dog behaves differently while I am around than when I not; it is not a problem I know how to solve!

everything, in fact, is just that little bit harder and so I give up on them, and sit on the lovely dog bed and play with my dog. who isn't anxious, who loves being taken into my lap as I bring him down from the car-boot and his gentle insistence that it has to a be pick-me-up-in-your-lap thing; who cant believe his luck when breakfast arrives - his simple enthusiasm is infectious - who is simply thrilled that things are easy and comfortable and he is loved - and has no reason to think that anything will change for the worse.   

 

The long list - update

It is nearly the end of winters* as it is only two days to August and it brings to mind a self imposed deadline that I have been chasing - that of having a cosy clean home for winters. It seems like I have lost that race, but it sure made the days go past quick. I'm thinking about the last time I lived in a properly organised home (it was years and years ago) - everything had a place and everything was in its place!

 

For most part of my life I have lived in a properly organised home, not very cluttered, clean inside and out and a messy desk or bed to just balance it out that little bit. It would take about half hour to take it to hotel-looking cleanliness; and I got properly balanced meals to boot! Home, as it should be, was a launching pad** and not an energy sink^!

 

But now as winter is beginning to end, I have another, self imposed, deadline to chase - the race to get everything organised before Coffee arrives!

 

So, lets get the lists going:

Living Area

1, Shelving in the kitchen - OUTSOURCED

2, Book shelf in the living room - OUTSOURCED

3, Tidy up the baking and occassional use dishes shelf! - DIY

4, Not on top of the list: Update dining table and curtains (for curtains, see picture below!) - DIY

5, Not on top of the list, but expected to happen really soon: new TV system - FRIENDS!

6, To be done right after 1 and 2, ledge for artwork -DIY/Friends?

7, Electrician needs to put new power points - OUTSOURCED

8, Buy handles for cabinets - DIY

9, Buy some kind of step stool - DIY

 

What has already been done:

1, New appliances and cupboards have gone in

2, Pantry is satisfactory now

3, New dinner set is out

4, Old and doubles removed!
5, Created some kind of a flow, so that moving around the apartment is not impossible!

 

Balcony - DIY, all of it!

1, Clean concrete floor - maybe I need to buy a pressure cleaner

2, Seal it

3, Tile it - materials bought

4, Put the bench on

5, Buy Coffee's Potty

6, Not on the top of the list: Organise the plants

7, Put the light there.

What has already been done:

1, The body corporate have replaced the balustrades and roof slats

 

Powder Room/Laundry

1, Fix the vacuum cleaner and maybe move it out of the powder room?-  DIY

2, Tidy up - use up Ikea shopping materials to update the rest of the house - DIY

3, Replace mirror and paint the walls. - DIY??

What has already been done:

1, Some amount of decluttering

2, Opening up the wall to create a laundry

3, Moving the washing machine

 

The area under the stairs

1, Tidy up - will happen once the book shelves are put in place! - DIY

What has already been done:

1, Removed rubbish bins from here and put them where they should be - in the kitchen

 

The upstairs is more in state of disrepair

 

Bedroom

1, Tidy up

2, Put art up

3, New power points - eventually to put the bed side lights on

What has already been done

1, The light fitting has been changed

 

Bathroom

1, Demolish

2, Retile

3, New Basin and Bathtub and curtain

4, New heating light

5, New exhaust

6, Declutter - I am drowning in the amount of toiletries I own

What has already been done

1, Washing machine has already moved downstairs

2, Dryer disposed of!

 

Study

1, Declutter the shelving - I expect that to happen once the book shelves are up in the living room

2, Put Coffee's food and toys in this room

3, Declutter my clothes - oh my god! so many clothes!!

4, Get Annette to please return my money for the mirror!

What has already been done:

1, Shelving put in place!

 

Guest room (This room has turned into a dumping ground!)

1, Go thru boxes and find a spot for everything! Some of it is expected to happen once the storage in the living room is completed!)

2, Use this room

What has already been done:

1, Got rid of the white cupboard

2, Got the sofa downstairs

 

On the wish list, for the moment

1, Light fittings

2, Painting the apartment

 

*famous last words!

**how immensely grateful I am to my family for that!

^that my married home felt like
'I've just added 'Lists' as one of the labels, in case you might want to peruse my love of lists.

Updates

There are 3 kinds of progress that we can see in nature:

like a breeze blowing away the smoke that surrounds a fire
like cleaning a mirror
like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly inside a cacoon (or a baby inside a mother's womb)

The first one is where the smallest of efforts show such instant results; the second where it seems like the effort and outcomes are rather proportional; and the third, where for the longest time, nothing seems to be happening, and yet all your energy is getting used up - but slowly and surely things are changing in a dramatic way.  

Since the apartment is nothing like the first, and perhaps not even the second - I'd like to think that it is, at least, the third. (In fact, since my life seems nothing like the first or the second, I'd like to think it is, at least, the third! Sigh!)

The point of this update, really is, that there are no updates - money spent, energy spent and nothing much to show for it yet, at least not in terms of enjoying the space I am in. In fact, in lots of ways, it feels worse!

Stairs, and then some!

Stairs win the final round!

Having magically managed to lug (or find other people to lug) the sofa and the shelving and the centre tables and the dining table and so on and on, up the stairs and another sofa and another heavy table and another lot of old appliances down the stairs - the French contemporary mirror turns out to be the final straw! 

Faced with yet another headache about asking favours from busy and preoccupied friends, I have now decided that if I cannot take it up the stairs myself, I can live without it. Trusting that comedy is tragedy + time, I expect this will sound hilarious in a couple of thousand years! Ha!

Lights

I went to IKEA yesterday and bought a whole lot of things, including some beautiful light-fixtures. I'm trying to make up my mind about how to arrange them around the place, and end up writing the following.


I got three of these (IKEA Krusning pendant lights) ; one large and two small: these were the cheapest and yet, my favourites. I am rather sure that the large one will be the centre light for the bedroom; and I am wondering about the other two.

Option 1: Put them as bed side lights (picture below) on both sides of the bed;
Option 2: Put one of them in the entrance and the other on top of the sink

 

 

The other lights that I got were two of these (IKEA PS 2014):

 

 

Option 1: Put these as bed side lights while the Krusning are at the centre, which would mix it up a bit;

Option 2: Put these in the guest room, where people can have a bit of an option about how much light they want.

 

Then I picked up two Kappa lights

 

 

Option 1: On top of the dining table

Option 2: Hanging from top of the stairs

Option 3: Bed side lights in the bedroom

 

I also picked up a single Klor (tho, I can always pick up another one, if need be) and there are two things that stand out to me about the Klor

firstly, it doesn't have any visual weight (and hence having it next to a large window would make sense, because it wouldn't block any light from there)  

and secondly, I've read on the internet that it has a narrow range of light, and I particularly like that because I don't like any light shining in my eyes (or more like glaring in my eyes)

 



 

So because of both these reasons, I would like to
Option 1:put it on top of the dining table - see the food clearly and each other in a very soft light;
Option 2:put it on top of the stairs, so that only the stairs light up and not all the bed rooms around it!

 

I have from my previous buys got this light already and I am thinking it will stay where I always wanted it to go, in the kitchen.

 

 

The centre light in the living room, I'm hoping will be a simple close to the ceiling light and give a feel of these kinds:

 

 

Though, wouldn't this last one be a dream:

 



The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Talking about home, as I do on this blog, there are things in and about it for which I often find myself sending a silent prayer of thanks (or more like, they make my heart smile :), and some that when I think about it, I wonder about how I take them for granted! On the flip side, there are things in and about the apartment that I really really wish were there, but they aren't; and some that if I were to think about I believe would be awesome to come home to.

 

So here goes,

Firstly, things for which I thank the universe:

1. The birds chirping and the sunrise I get to see EVERY MORNING before I am even properly awake;
2. The sunshine and the fresh air, my apartment is North-East facing and if there is any light in the sky, I get some of it; also the genius who designed it made windows in such a way that there is no stale air around the place;
3. The double brick insulation (makes a HUGE difference);
4. The quiet and my peaceful kind neighbours;
5. My wonderful Philips light alarm - it was pricey and I had to get from the USA, but I love it beyond words. The fact that I don't have to go to bed in the dark and I don't have to wake up in the dark, and the sound alarm is also birds going nuts, basically it is simply incredible.
6. My dishwasher, Bosch and quiet :)
7. Bed heating - my bed heating is sometimes that thing that makes home, home. It has a particular feel to it, like it is just that size where I can easily sleep on it, but I can also put my feet on the cold part of the bed, if I want. So, it is perfectly sized for me.
8. Audio-books on my phone (I get them from audible) - do you like someone telling you a story as you go to bed? oh I do!! and Kindle does this incredible thing where you can read/listen to the book at the same time, absolute genius, who thinks of such amazing stuff!?! (Whoever you are, Thank You! and can you make the library on kindle a bit better? I really liked my old kindle library and I miss it! Also, does the new kindle do audio books?)
9. Bamix - oh the maker of comfort foods!! Soups, Mousse, Cold whipped coffee, tomato blended with chilly - to make any kind of sauce!
10. Phone - of course, how else would I talk to Mum while cooking and cleaning or just admiring the view while sitting in bed!

and then these are some of my most useful things, but I have come to take them for granted:

11. My washing machine, again Bosch but definitely not quiet.
12. My fridge/freezer - with canberra being as cold as it these days, I am definitely taking this one for granted

 

Thirdly, there are some things that I wish for in my apartment, often with a deep sad sigh! 

1. Heating for the bathroom - sigh, there is none;
2. Exhaust for the bathroom - loud and ineffective! thank goodness i am not too stinky;
3. This is the worst - the taps around the apartment that need an iron hand to stop dripping!
4. The hot-water system that doesn't seem to work - it runs out of water JUST before my hair is completely free of conditioner suds, I promise!
5. The complete lack of power-points, and the crisscross of extension chords all over the place!
6. No spot for bins - a bit embarrassing;
7. The ugly nude bulbs, everywhere!
8. The annoying doors that are self closing - everywhere - including bottom of the steps, try bringing in groceries, you idiotic designer! I do a mental calculation on how to move things when I shop them.
9. The bedroom doesn't look like it is mine! No spot to put the books, no art to stare at first thing in the morning, last thing at night!
10. No art in the bathroom - I really want the da-Vinci Vitruvian Man there (not just because, well, nude-handsome-man-with-a-mix-of-science-and-art-from-Italy-from-about-600-years-ago; not just because it is perhaps a self portrait of Leonardo Da Vince who was gay and vegetarian and illegitimate and Leonardo da Vinci, and by L-d-V, I mean one-of-the-most-talented-person-on-the-face-of-this-earth, like even 600 years later, is-he-for-real; but also because it makes me wonder what it means to have a meaningful life? Who is our life meaningful for? Just the kind of thoughts I would like to be thinking as I brush my teeth and start my day.    
11. A cat? sometimes I really really really wish I could bring home a cat, and call it Summer, maybe... now that Coffee is coming home, I wish there was a Summer too!

 

There are other things that I think about when I am thinking deep thoughts about my apartment, like,

1. Putting up my art
2. Having a sound-insulated spot to play a violin (badly and repetitively, in my case)
3. Properly placed book-shelf

4. The non-existent outside area that I am sure will creep to the top of the list very quickly once Coffee gets here or summer does!

 

So, if you are reading this, what's your list of the good, the bad, and the ugly?

PS, this post is inspired by another post on Apartment Therapy

list of things to do for electrician:

1. New power points in living area - on the both sides of the sofa; underneath the TV;
2. New light source on top of dining table
3. changing of exhaust in the powder room
4. changing of exhaust in the bathroom and putting heating light in there
5. installing more power points in the bedroom - on both sides of the bed
6. installing bedside ceiling lights
7. changing ceiling light for the room
8. new power points in the study and new light there (also put mirrors up there!)
9. string light in the kitchen - get two, maybe?
10.power points in the guest room and new light.

Bedroom

My bedroom has the most wonderful thing about it that it opens to a window in the east, that looks out to a treetop against the sky - which really is most often very blue - and then it is super quiet. but apart from the view, the state of the room, uhm, leaves a bit to desire.

somehow, half my collection* of footwear has arrived here and my bed and floor around it has turned into a Salvador Dali-isq dimensioned wardrobe; and I have been thinking that minus the clothes and the shoes, the room is actually rather sterile and I simply wouldn't be able to sleep in it.

so, here is my to-do list about this room
1. remove mirrors to study where they can go opposite the wardrobe in a kind of gallery for mirrors;
1b. tidy up the rest of the room, by removing clothes/shoes and bed linen
2. put a book shelf in one or two corners of the room - right now I am thinking of corner diagonal to the door
3. add a hanging bed light for the other side of the bed
4. put a lamp shade to the naked bulb on the ceiling
5. add art on the wall on top of the bed
6. add photos on the wall opposite the bed
7. update the bedside tables - paint or polish or concrete?

so, basically, BOOKS, ART, PHOTOS, LIGHT - yes, sounds about right!

*my entire collection is simply wonderful with exactly these: eccos hiking boots, eccos winter boots, eccos running shoes, eccos summer flats, eccos summer high heels, summer sandles, jazz dancing shoes, thongs - and one pair of black high heels and one pair of red lace ups that really need to be donated!

Living Area

Apartment therapy are currently hosting their annual small cool contest which is all about, as you may have guessed, small apartments that are rather cool! I have been busy and therefore haven't been perusing all of them, but I am fairly certain that I can assume  that any of the really popular choices have in common, at least, these few things:

1. their "surfaces" make sense - either because they are clean and nearly empty or perfectly curated; and
2. when you pull out one piece of furniture it is not likely to bang into another!
and just maybe, I think, there might be this thing,
3. where to reach from part of the house to another, it probably doesn't involve walking thru a maze, like this:

 as it happens, my own living area is failing these three criteria rather miserably - and I've put a badly clicked picture of my apartment below..

and while it doesn't show how wonderful, I think, my antique oak table is or my wonderful Jarrah sofa is - it does show rather well, how miserable the lighting is, the flow is, and  how untidy the surfaces is.

the solution, as it happens, isn't all that difficult - it is simply to move that green sofa upstairs, perhaps to the bedroom or the guest room, and rearrange the main lounge is a more sensible way, but somehow I've not been able to manage it.

So, on my list of things to make my living area actually liv-able, and then maybe even beautiful, I have:
1. move the chair and re-arrange furniture
2. clean surfaces - which really involves finding alternative spaces for things
3. If it makes sense, put a rug in there (or two!)
4. put up my art on the walls
5. improve the lighting - by putting multiple source lightings around the place!

Shopping Headaches!

in the process of upgrading my apartment/ my car and my dog - i'm wondering at what point does the joy of shopping get replaced by the massive headache of winning all the multiple battles that the process entails?

first off, is the question, do i need this? then, what sort should i get? maybe i should speak to other people to get an idea - which resets us to convincing them about whether we indeed need this/what sort/can afford this. then you start looking for options, then you meet salesmen and ensure that they are not cheating you, then you negotiate (Repeat/Repeat/Repeat!); then you speak to your own people, who were not listening to you in the first round and get you to convince them all over again. then maybe you buy what you wanted, then, you pay for it for the rest of your life!

so, at what point does the joy of shopping get replaced by the massive headache of winning all the multiple battles that the process entails? way too soon, i'd say, waaaay too soon!!

Guess who is coming for ever?

a chocolate coloured Labrador pup called Coffee;

this pup is yet to be born, in fact his mother is yet to be pregnant - but my heart, be still, my live-in best friend is soon coming home! I am so tempted to get a Burmese cat that would be great friends with my darling, but let me have a chat with the breeder and see what can be done!  

Costs

Since this is the blog of my home renovation journey, the joys and the griefs - the place to put in black and white all that is taking up my thoughts at the moment so that I don't vent it out at the next person who happens to say hello - it would be rather counter productive not mention the stuff that is really taking up my mental space at the moment - the costs!*

I am of the belief that whatever needs to be done, needs to be done well - especially if I am not actually doing it, and just paying for getting it done! But costs are not always financial, a lot of the times it is patience, at others it is clarity, sometimes it is being a good communicator, or trust, sometimes it is getting advice from the right people, or a lot of people and then using your head to make sense of it all!

Now, I need to get the kitchen/living area renovated which includes basically,
- the kitchen itself,
- the appliances - including the range, oven and range-hood
- the bench top (you wouldn't believe how expensive this darn thing is!)
- the living area cupboard
- the TV island
- the flooring;

I'm not sure how much information to put out here about my finances, but basically, it is not being covered with my meagre savings; I have to get my property refinanced (which in plain English means, since the property value appreciates, you can get more loan money against it.) This would be simple enough, except my car is breaking down and I need a new one! And I don't want to compromise on what I really want, so I need to gain clarity of what I really want - because not having that clarity costs dollars, which I don't have! Right! Now, I can get car financed thru work, and to be honest, I don't particularly mind that but I don't want to be paying money that I could have not paid. That means I need to be talking to people, a lot of people and figuring out how it all adds up! But it doesn't end here - of course, it doesn't, what were you thinking (!?!) - I have a holiday planned (or two!) Did anyone tell you holidays don't come cheap? Well, they don't and I don't have too much savings, and hence I am back to the question of what on earth do I want out of my life - back to basic level clarity!!

Do realise here, I am NOT whinging, when your life's most difficult decisions involve holidays and renovations, you've got it good - you've got it excellent!! But don't tell me that if my head is going round in circles, I don't have a reason - I do and I am still tired and grateful!   





*and with that sentence, I have joined the rather illustrious company of Mr. Charles Dickens in having an opening sentence a whole paragraph long - I hope my sentence lands on its feet as well! (where I am referring to White and Strunk, I think)     

Upstairs, downstairs OR where's the strongman?

Among the most unexpected challenges that the current apartment imposes are the narrow doors, the flight of stairs and then, rather whimsically, another flight of stairs within the apartment. I get the wonderful European problems without the great European location or history! That these challenges are unexpected is rather disconcerting to me. I am able to comfortably overcome that that feeling every time I see the sun shining thru one of the windows - "Okay, I make mistakes but I can't be all wrong!", I tell myself.

Currently, I am deciding to get stuff ready for the bathroom renovation that hopefully will be undertaken around September August, let's try and be positive. I would like to not spend a huge amounts of money there! So, I decided if I am going to get a bath, let me get it second-hand. I found a rather quaint claw foot cast iron bath tub on gumtree, and now I need to bring it upstairs - I need strongmen! Where does one find strongmen?

In the meantime, consider these (as I leave the decision to even have the bath or just a larger shower area in the bathroom to my wonderful renovation guy, CB!):

 

Update: The renovation guy has spoken - the bath will have to go - that it is a cast iron bath only makes matters worse for him (and was one reason why I loved it!)

In other news

Guest Room
The guest room has now got only emptied out boxes, instead of full ones and I cannot wait to start using that room. It is the brightest room in the apartment that gets sun the whole day long. (The bedroom on the other hand gets the rising sun.) 

A friend suggested I break up tasks and put them on post-its to solve for the procrastination due to not finding a big enough chunk of energy or time. I think it is a brilliant idea. For the guest room, my list includes:
1. Empty out the white cupboard;
2. Give away and return things that accidentally came from the old apartment or do not belong here, now;
3. Move one of the sofas down the stairs into the guest room;
4. Get rid of the cupboard;
5. Bring in the right tables for the room - I've got a beautiful round oak table that will be replaced in the living area soon.

Flow
The kitchen/living area is going thru waves of cleanliness and messiness; but I love my dishwasher, washing machine and vacuum cleaner! :) I need to find a routine to empty out the bins and pick up the mail. It is not entirely surprising but I still didn't quite grasp just how very important flow is in living spaces. As a recent example, I had moved the pot plant in such a way that the guests didn't see the bin all the time, but it also obstructed me and then ended up with me not getting rubbish from the kitchen bench often enough. Also, once I moved my pots and pans to the right, logical spot my cooking got better.

I need to organise myself a charging station, at the moment that situation is in a bit of a mess.     

The Very Beginning

While it is a really good rule to start at the beginning, go thru the middle and end at the very end, it can be quite impossible sometimes. In the case of this blog, I am not very certain where it all started - was it with my discovery of design*sponge and apartment therapy; or later, on getting an apartment or the fact that even after apartment therapy and getting the apartment - it has been nearly 6 years before I have been able to do anything about it.

And even now, when I have moved into the apartment, you'd think I'd photograph it before the furniture arrived and while I pondered over the furniture decisions - but I was too busy trying to limit eating out (and gaining ridiculous amounts of weight) and getting the internet connected (while the laptop is still completely dysfunctional!) to get anywhere with this blog.

So, let's just start in the middle, where I possibly can. Let us start with the kitchen, because that is on my mind today.

Some file pictures of the kitchen, over the years:

And then a little bit on what I think could be done:

Black Bench-top:

White Cabinets:

(with black handles, they do give a nicer touch than just steel, don't they?)

Open shelving:

Quite like the sink in the second picture!

Better Pantry storage:

Wooden (Bamboo) Flooring:
 Not entirely sure what kind of colour would I be going for, but here are some shades just to keep dreaming for now:

Better lighting:

(From here)

I'm also considering changing the placement of the fridge but that's for another post with the floor plans.