I notice that the last time I posted was in July, end of July to be fair, but it is still more than 4 months ago. Time has flown past in these four months, because initially I was planning on tidying the place enough that it would be puppy-proof; and then I had my parents visiting.
My parents and my puppy, all turned out to be the most considerate and non-judgemental kind of people to share my life with, and for whom I didn't really need to prepare the place. But I suffered from a lot of anxiety, none the less. I still do. I am not really an anxious kind of a person but when day after day, living your life feels like walking thru treacle, it causes anxiety.
I struggle when changing the sheets isn't just a matter of stripping off the old sheets and putting on the new ones! It is a tie between a memory test, creative thinking as well as visualisation; as much of digging under the piles of bags of things without a home as it is about finding the right pocket with all the bits put together... When tidying the balcony isn't just a matter of watering the plants and a quick sweep and mop; but a matter of removing temporary tiles - wondering if I want to sell them or if I am happy to just give them away - removing temporary tarp that has finally given up on doing a reasonable job of dealing with a puppy. a typically good natured puppy who has had bouts of vomiting and diarrhoea. and balcony is one of the easier bits! the carpet in the living room is chewed to bits but I had given up on the carpet ages ago anyway! I suspect it smells of dog piss occasionally but since my dog behaves differently while I am around than when I not; it is not a problem I know how to solve!
everything, in fact, is just that little bit harder and so I give up on them, and sit on the lovely dog bed and play with my dog. who isn't anxious, who loves being taken into my lap as I bring him down from the car-boot and his gentle insistence that it has to a be pick-me-up-in-your-lap thing; who cant believe his luck when breakfast arrives - his simple enthusiasm is infectious - who is simply thrilled that things are easy and comfortable and he is loved - and has no reason to think that anything will change for the worse.
My parents and my puppy, all turned out to be the most considerate and non-judgemental kind of people to share my life with, and for whom I didn't really need to prepare the place. But I suffered from a lot of anxiety, none the less. I still do. I am not really an anxious kind of a person but when day after day, living your life feels like walking thru treacle, it causes anxiety.
I struggle when changing the sheets isn't just a matter of stripping off the old sheets and putting on the new ones! It is a tie between a memory test, creative thinking as well as visualisation; as much of digging under the piles of bags of things without a home as it is about finding the right pocket with all the bits put together... When tidying the balcony isn't just a matter of watering the plants and a quick sweep and mop; but a matter of removing temporary tiles - wondering if I want to sell them or if I am happy to just give them away - removing temporary tarp that has finally given up on doing a reasonable job of dealing with a puppy. a typically good natured puppy who has had bouts of vomiting and diarrhoea. and balcony is one of the easier bits! the carpet in the living room is chewed to bits but I had given up on the carpet ages ago anyway! I suspect it smells of dog piss occasionally but since my dog behaves differently while I am around than when I not; it is not a problem I know how to solve!
everything, in fact, is just that little bit harder and so I give up on them, and sit on the lovely dog bed and play with my dog. who isn't anxious, who loves being taken into my lap as I bring him down from the car-boot and his gentle insistence that it has to a be pick-me-up-in-your-lap thing; who cant believe his luck when breakfast arrives - his simple enthusiasm is infectious - who is simply thrilled that things are easy and comfortable and he is loved - and has no reason to think that anything will change for the worse.
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